Awareness of conflict can help us set ourselves up for success. The binary is where we create a situation where there are two choices: winners and losers, us and them, good and bad. Just having the two groups creates a situation where our brains want to be right (even more than they want to be happy). This type of grouping can escalate conflict so we will discuss ways to reduce or avoid creating a binary.

Fire starters or conflict entrepreneurs are people who seem to have a need for increasing drama, creating all-or-nothing situations, spreading rumors, or simply enjoy creating more conflict. When we spend a lot of time with or take advice from these individuals, we may see that conflict in our lives increases. So, looking for ways to create game plans, distance, or reaction time may help us to avoid escalating conflicts.

How often in conflict are you really interested in what the other parties' viewpoints are? How often are you really curious about why they view the situation the way that they do? How often do you care about why this issue is so important to them? Learning, hearing, and understanding the understories are so important to conflicts. This story is often driving the escalation of conflict and if understood, adjustments and accommodations can be made.

Why is this issue important to you?

Have you ever found yourself trapped in a conflict? Have you ever wondered how this could have even gone this far? Conflict is a major change-maker. Conflicts can lead to so much progress. Conflicts can also escalate. Conflicts can also cause destruction. So, what is the difference between conflicts that create progress and conflicts that just turn destructive? In this episode, we explore some of the concepts that are taught in Amanda Ripley's book High Conflict: how we get trapped and how we get out. High or destructive conflicts are often characterized by specific ways of thinking and being. If we can recognize those differences, we can prevent conflict from escalating or from getting trapped in it.

Failure is not wasted if we learn from it. Learning isn't reliving the past but learning can be revisiting it and evaluating it to glean lessons that will help us create a plan for the future and ultimately lead us to success.

The success formula only works when we use it on repeat. One decision, one action, one failure, one lesson will seldom lead us to the success we seek but when we repeat the process we can find success

It's crazy the connection between failure and success. All success will come after some type of failure. And the truth is, success is worth the price we pay in failure. Are you willing to pay the tuition?

Failure doesn't have to be a roadblock but can be a navigation sign, showing us the way not to go and ultimately helping us choose the way that will work. Don't give up just yet. Failure is the way to success.

After we decide what we are going to do, the next step is actually doing it. For us to find what works we have to try things until they do work. You never really know if you can ride a bike until you ride the bike. Let's take some action and try some things out. New actions lead to new opportunities.

How can we set ourselves up for success? For the next 4 episodes, we will work our way through a very simple formula for success. This episode is focused on deciding. We have to make decisions.

What are some of the reasons we don't want to decide?

We don't know what is best.

Fear of failure

Fear of consequences

These things keep us suck. Some simple mindset shifts can help us overcome the indecision and choose our way to success.

Why do so many of our goals are never achieved?

We quit on them.

It's time to stop quitting on ourselves. Yes, things get hard. Yes, we sometimes fail. Yes, it might get boring. Yes, you might need more training. Yes, you might have to work. But quitting is optional.

Let's learn. Let's take action till we figure it out. Let's achieve those goals

Do you think that you have too much to do and that there is no use in planning? Do you think that things are so unpredictable that planning wouldn't work? Do you think that your to-do list is so long and looking at it one more time will send you running for the hills?

These are beliefs that keep us stuck and scrambling. It is time to take up planning.

Planning your day, your week, and your year can lead to a life that is so much more fun and less stressful.

It's time to plan.

Has your gratitude practice become a little bit stale? Is it not as effective as it once was or are you seeming to forget more often than you remember? Sounds like it is time to switch it up a bit.

We know gratitude is a powerful practice but writing, videoing, or pictures are all good options. So often we can get stuck in a trap of using our gratitude practice against us; saying we are grateful but really wishing things were different. How could you be grateful for how things are right now?

"You must realize, not everything you think is true" The lyrics from 1000 Arms by Blue Rodeo. This statement is so true. The work of realizing that we don't have to believe all our thoughts and we don't have to react to them. We have options in our thinking and our thinking isn't always right. What thought do you need to realize isn't true?

Weasels are the cutest, shiftiest, ferocious little animals. So many of our thoughts have these same characteristics. They sound nice. They sound good. They sound like we are a good person or we are striving to be so. But they are wreaking havoc on our lives. Can you spot a weasel-like thought?

We will all find ourselves in situations where we react. All of those reactions make sense when we understand what we are thinking but what can we do if we want to change our reaction. This episode presents a couple of options for approaching those types of situations.

Can you put words to your experiences? Can you describe what it is like to be you in those experiences? Sometimes we think if we hide from our experiences that they will just go away but what if leaning into those experiences and putting words to our stories could actually give us more power over them.

We have this great opportunity to see that our way of interpreting our experiences affects how we react in the world. So let's get curious about those interpretations so we understand them well and have the option to choose something different if that interpretation is not serving us or those around us.

Have you ever caught yourself looking back wondering why you reacted the way you did to a specific situation? Have you ever seen someone react and wonder what caused that?

I always say, if you understand what the person was thinking or what story they were telling themselves about what happened, then the reaction always makes sense.

We react because of how we interpret the situation. Our reactions are how we play out our interpretations of what is going on.

What determines if something is impossible? Why don't we try to do impossible things? What could we accomplish if we did try to do impossible things? I first learned impossible things from Brooke Castillo at The Life Coach School and have been making them ever since. It is possible to create the impossible we just have to dream it up and not give up till we create it. Let's give it a try.

My Apple watch is programmed to encourage me to move, exercise, and stand every day. Just like my watch is programmed with what's important, we can decide what things are important that we do and start making them part of our lives. It reminds me relentlessly to do these things and celebrates them just as relentlessly. It tracks my progress and encourages me to expand my goals

Most businesses have a tradition of exit interviews, where they might find out some of the reasons that an employee has decided to move on and if they have any parting words of wisdom. But how effective are these interviews? This episode discusses the idea of stay interviews which I was introduced to on a webinar by Mary-Ann Baynton which was hosted by the Canadian Veterinarian Medical Association. In just 4 questions you can explore the things you love about your job, the things you want to change, what you are willing to do about and how you would like to be held accountable.

Living a balanced life. What are the things you are trying to balance? How do you talk to yourself about your to-do list? What is your definition of balance? What are the things that get you out of balance?

This episode is a live talk I gave at a singles conference providing one perspective of balance.

Weeds and crops are similar to our thoughts in many ways. There are the thoughts that serve us well, have a purpose and that need a little more nourishment to help them flourish. Then there are the thoughts that will take hold in any situation and cause so much pain and discomfort. Once we realize the difference we know we will have to remove the weed-like thoughts over and over again and replant the crop-like thoughts every season but it's totally worth it to create the life we want.