Episode 31: It All Makes Sense

Welcome to episode 31, my friends. I launched my website a few weeks ago and I created a free mini-training there for you on saying no. So, if you have found yourself saying yes when you really meant no – then hop on over there and pick up that free training.

Now for today’s topic. I wanted to share with you one of the observations that have helped me a lot in making sense of my own reactions and other people’s reactions.

Now I teach causal coaching.

So, this is the philosophy that everything outside of you is neutral and depending on how you interpret it you will assign meaning to it. And to keep it simple we will say good or bad. Then from that meaning, you will create a feeling – happy, sad, mad, excited, enraged, hurt, etc. and then that feeling motivates actions that you take and those actions lead you to an outcome that will enforce your initial interpretation of the situation.

Now, this sounds incredibly simple and sometimes it sounds too simple. But that is why I love it. This framework, because it is super simple can help you tackle any situation.

Look at yourself.

See how you are creating your experience.

Then see all the options of how you could react.

So when you understand the thought, the reaction makes sense and the result makes perfect sense.

This is one of the most beautiful things about this thought work because it allows us to have more compassion for ourselves.

When we see ourselves react to something.

Even in a fight, flight, freeze response. And when we have the thought oh my goodness, I can’t believe I did that.

Maybe it was yelling at someone and you are like I am not usually so hot-headed. What happened?

And you go back and do the work to unpack it.

Figure out what you were thinking right before you reacted.

What were you feeling?

And usually, that will make your reaction make perfect sense.

Any human being believing that thought would react that way.

And we believe our thoughts, 100% bought in whenever we have one of these reactions.

Now I am not saying that it is an excuse for the reaction. Not at all

But I do want you to have compassion for the reaction. And be like oh I was a human. Not my best human self but still a human.

Like a human, like everyone else who doesn’t have it all together.

Like a human who believed its brain.

Now if I start to understand these responses in myself, then I start to gain the ability to recognize the response patterns in myself and ultimately alter my response.

So in the moment you can recognize the thought and know how you will react.

So here are a couple of examples.

So when I think He is a jerk – usually I act like a jerk.

When I think things shouldn’t go that way. I create that there is no other option.

When I believe that someone is criticizing me, I criticize them.

It is so important that we start to see and recognize these patterns.

So often, when we interpret someone’s words or actions as criticizing us. Whether it is or not it doesn’t matter.

But when we have that thought: They are telling me that it is all my fault.

We go in completely in to defend ourselves.

We go into this fight response because we are not feeling safe.

And then when we stormed out of the room, swore at them or did X,Y, Z  thing. That isn’t who I am.

Then we can take a step back and see that any human being believing the thought that I was believing, It makes perfect sense that I reacted in the way that I did at that time.

Once we understand it then we have the ability to change it.

So some scenarios may be all too familiar to us all.

Sorting cows.

The cow goes into the wrong pen.

Now, who is to blame?

The one sorting, the one opening/closing the gate.

Now one person is yelling at another and one person is quitting their job. 

Sound all too familiar??

We have all seen it.

No one person is thinking – now I have to do all this extra work and go get that cow out of the pen, they knew the gate needed to be closed?

Does yelling make sense now?

They see extra work

They see that the job wasn’t done right.

They see that it should be easy.

If you believed those things and believed the other person didn’t do their job and created more work for you. Would you be yelling too?

Now the one quitting.

They think they are doing the best that they could.

They think they didn’t have a chance to close the gate.

The person yelling at them never appreciates the work that they do and they can never do anything right.

Now does quitting make sense if that is your interpretation of the events?

As I say it always makes sense.

So for this week, I want to you look at the situations you find yourself in.

Look at your own reactions.

Look at others’ reactions.

What would you have to be thinking to react to a situation in that way?

This is super interesting work to do.

Just remember, If you know what the person is thinking and believing It Always makes sense.

It doesn’t excuse the reaction.

But it always makes sense.

Where can you make more sense of your surroundings this week by looking at it through this framework?

It will be fun.

Have a wonderful week.