Episode 34: Weasel Thoughts
Welcome to episode 34, my friends. I am so glad you are here today.
So today I wanted to talk about weasels. Now I love weasels. I am so excited every time I see one on the ranch. They just have the cutest little ears and I love that they change color in the winter and are just neat little animals.
Now although they are the cutest little animals they are also ferocious hunters. So they look so cute but can be completely nasty little animals.
And this combination is what I want to talk to you about.
Cute nice sounding thoughts that are absolutely destroying your life.
I hear them all the time from clients.
They sound something like this.
I just want everyone to get along.
I just want everyone to be happy.
It is just really petty.
There are three characteristics of weasel-like thoughts.
1. They are short and sound like a fact.
2. They sound like you are a good person or want to be a good person.
3. They are destroying your peace of mind or your life.
Let’s think about our family get-togethers.
Doesn’t it sound like a nice thing when we say – “I just want everyone to be nice to each other and get along.”
Just a short little statement.
Sounds like a fact.
Sounds like a thing that everyone should want.
Sounds like you are a kind, compassionate, caring person who really wants a perfect family.
But what does it do for you if people are not so happy with one another?
What does it do for you if there is a meltdown?
What does it do for you if someone brings up their opposing political views?
What does it do for you when someone gets offended and leaves the party?
What does it do for you when someone is tired or exhausted and just wants to be left alone?
This little thought is destroying your peace and enjoyment of your family.
You spend the whole time trying to get them to not act like themselves but to act perfectly fake.
What if we just let them have any experience they decided to have?
What if you just decided to love them no matter what they did?
I love you and no.
I love you and yes.
These are options.
What if you were curious about what experience they would choose to have?
What if you just picked the experience you were going to have?
What if you didn’t have to change them at all?
What if you let them take responsibility for their relationships with each other and you took responsibility for your relationship with each of them?
What if you just decided – that you wanted everyone to just be themselves?
How would that change your experience?
We get these ideas in our heads that things need to be perfect and what if a hot mess was perfect?
I always come back to the teaching of 50/50. We have 50% good and 50% negative. What if we believed this and could recognize the times we did all get along and the times that we did not? And it was all ok.
Let’s look at the thought – think about your teams or your workplaces– I just want everyone to be happy.
This is another one of those weasel-like thoughts.
It sounds amazing and kind.
It is short and sweet.
And it can be so destructive if everyone doesn’t choose to be happy.
Let’s let others have the experience that they choose to have.
It’s okay for them to be mad.
It’s ok for them to be sad.
It’s ok for them to be quiet.
It’s ok for them to experience things in a different way than you do.
You don’t have to experience it the same way.
You also can have any experience you want.
I just want everyone to be free to have the experience they choose.
Now an even more subtle way that weasel-like thoughts sneak in is in this third example. “This is just so petty.”
It is short and sweet.
It sounds like you are trying to be a good person by calling yourself on your own BS.
But where this little statement causes the destruction is in the resistance and the judgment that it implies.
If we think it is petty we don’t investigate it.
If we think we are being petty we don’t gain perspective on the situation.
If we think it is petty we just push it away in hopes that we can pretend to be a perfect person.
But what if we just acknowledged it?
Ohh I feel like I didn’t get acknowledged for my contribution.
Ohh I feel like someone else took credit for the work that I did.
Is that true?
Is there something that I needed to do differently to present my part in the project?
Could I view it as I set the other person up for success as they finished off the project?
Could I see that we are the perfect team?
This is the week to search for the weasels in your life.
They are little.
They are sneaky.
The camouflage is something cute and good.
But they don’t feel good.
They don’t lead you to motivation or a positive outlook.
When you find them – go back to episode 2 and apply the work of Byron Katie to them – is it true, can you absolutely know it is true, how do you react when you believe the thought, who would you be without the thought? – then turn it around.
It will be fun.
Have a wonderful week.