Episode 33: Options for Approaching Reactive Situations

Hello my friends, welcome to episode 33. Now remember – if you haven’t gone to my website yet and got my free training on saying no… today is the day! Saying No is a skill in today’s world and this short little training will get you started!

 So the past two episodes we have talked about our reactions making sense and how becoming aware of them and being able to articulate them gives us power.

So what do you do if you want to change them but you have no idea where to start?

What are some ideas for when you don’t want to not react when someone criticizes you or when someone points out a mistake, interrupts you in a presentation, or when someone is rude?

What do you do?

How do you get yourself to not take it so personally?

Here are a few of my favorite things to try.

1.       Ohhhh tell me more?

Literally, this is all you do.

Someone points something out.

Ooh, tell me more?

Someone interrupts – ooh tell me more?

What was so important that you needed to say?

Someone criticizes me – ooh tell me more?

Literally, ask them what the experience is like for them.

Let’s say someone comes up to you and has a bone to pick with you.

Let them bring the bone.

Ask them to bring it all.

Let me tell you a story where this served me well.

I was recently working at a trade show booth about feedlot cattle production.

Now all walks of life come to visit the booth.

The cattle lovers and the cattle haters.

I use ooh tell me more all the time with the haters.

I want them to tell me all about their experience.

Maybe there is something we need to change in our production practices.

Maybe there is something they don’t understand that I can explain.

Maybe there is some false information out there.

Maybe there is something I can learn from them.

Maybe there is something I need to do more research on.

Maybe we will just agree to disagree.

Maybe they will discover that their fight isn’t with me.

Anyway I was working our booth and a lady came up to me and started with, I have an issue with what you are feeding the cows.

A sure sign of a hater.

Oooh, tell me more? What is the problem?

She proceeded to tell me about her butter.  It now doesn’t melt when she leaves it out on the counter.

Ooh, tell me more?

The butter should melt when it is hot out and the house gets hot. She thinks it isn’t melting because of an oil that is being fed to the cows.

Sadly, friends, I don’t know much about dairies and I don’t know much about butter and its melting temperature.

So maybe I am not the right girl to have this conversation with. But I now know that she believes that butter should melt on the counter and the reason she thinks it has to do with what the cows are fed. I don’t know if any of these things are true. But she believes it to be true, so her bringing up the subject with me makes perfect sense.

Now in the process, she read our sign. Beef products didn’t link so well to dairy products and she realized I didn’t have the answer she was looking for. She was looking for the dairy cows and I was representing the beef cows.

But I learned something about her beliefs and I hope she finds her answer.

See how ooh tell me more? Allowed for that interaction to pay out nicely and not escalate into attacking or defending.

It’s a great tool to try. A simple thank you for bringing this to my attention, can you tell me more? Can work wonders.

Now my next favorite tool is:

2.  Agree with them. 100% agree.

I know! I know! I totally do that.

We normally will get defensive, because we actually agree with them. But it might be a part our selves that we don’t like but we kind of know is true so what if we just agreed with them? 

Here is a funny one about me.

 I get told often: You can’t spell.

I used to get defensive and give all these reasons they shouldn’t be criticizing my spelling but the reality is:

Duh… I can’t spell.

I am a horrible speller.

Tell me something I don’t know.

Thank goodness spell check was created to save my life and my career!

What they say about me is true but why won’t I agree with them?

It’s because I make being at spelling mean that I suck at life. I take it as one more reason I can’t be successful. I make them point it out mean that the world knows that I suck.

But what it really means, is that just am not the best at spelling and that’s ok.

I can be horrible at spelling and not suck at life. 

I don’t know why we don’t give ourselves that as a possibility.

See how these two approaches lighten things up a little bit.

We don’t have to defend ourselves.

We can learn about others’ opinions.

We can agree with them that we have weaknesses.

And we can still know that we are amazing humans.

We are capable of so much.

We have great contributions to make.

We don’t have to make it mean anything about us.

We don’t have to react.

Get curious and agree.

It will be fun.

Have a wonderful week.