Episode 53: Decide your Judgments Ahead of Time

Hello my friends, welcome to episode 53. Today I want to talk to you about judgment. We all do it. We often think our judgments are simply us stating the way the world is. We often will fight for our judgments to be right, no matter how painful they may be. I get that making judgments feels like it is necessary and maybe it is. But sometimes I think we may take our judgments a little too seriously.

I have been thinking a lot about this topic and mostly about how much we judge ourselves.

I recently attended a paint night.

All by myself I walked into a room of women I didn’t know.

Most came with friends, sat with friends, and built their tables from people they knew well.

The first question I was asked when I picked a table was, do you have someone joining you?

Nope! I almost felt a little judged for having the courage to show up alone.

Then when someone came to join my table, I asked if they wanted to sit together, and the comment was, No, then she will judge my painting.

Interesting. I thought you were friends.

Then the paintings started.

First, we painted circles.

Some circles were too fat.

Some circles were not circular enough.

Some were too small.

Then we painted those circles into snowmen.

Now some were too blue.

Some were not dark enough.

Then we painted a star.

Mine was too small. I should really fix that.

Others felt that theirs needed to be like the instructors.

Then we painted a tree.

From pregnant trees to trees with too much snow the comments continued.

I listened.

Everyone paid to come to paint together.

Everyone chose to be there.

Yet everyone had a negative comment about their painting or someone else’s.

Some paintings were to be hung in a barn.

Some paintings were destined for the basement.

Some for the woodpile.

And if you listened to the judgments that all makes sense.

Some blamed their judgments on their perfectionism.

Others wanted their painting to be just like the instructors.

But in doing all of this we miss the beauty of what is.

Each painting was unique.

Each painter had a different skill level.

Each painting made a new creation.

Each painter is a creator.

I found this experience so interesting because I had come in with a completely different intention.

I loved the picture of the painting.

I thought it would make a beautiful gift.

I had full belief that the instructor could guide this beginner painter to recreate it.

So when I heard others disliking their trees, I was confused.

When others told me to make my star bigger, I wanted to wait and see if it was needed.

When others talked about their painting only being good enough for the barn, I decided to love mine.

Our judgments are not facts.

They are simply judgments.

Loving your painting wasn’t a matter of skill, it was a matter of choice.

I used to believe that this wasn’t true.

I used to believe that my judgments were the truth.

I used to believe that I had to be a skilled painter or that my painting had to look exactly like the instructor’s to be beautiful.

But none of that is true.

One story that forever changed my way of thinking on this topic was when a coach told the story about pictures of themselves.

They used to hate pictures of themselves.

You know the moment you take a photo of someone and they grab the phone, zoom in on their face, and comment on their eyes being shut, their double chin, etc?

This coach talked about just deciding one day that they looked great in any photo.

They no longer needed to zoom in and check.

They no longer needed to have a million retakes.

They just decided that they liked themselves no matter what.

The photo was great. It showed them as a whole human. Not a perfect one.

We can decide ahead of time what our judgments will be.

We can decide that we will love our creations.

We can decide that we look great.

We can decide that others do amazing work.

We can decide that our star is the perfect size.

Judgment is a decision.

Judgment is a choice.

Decide ahead of time to love you, all of you.

Decide ahead of time to love others, all of them.

It will be fun.

Have a wonderful week.