Episode 24: Total Mess

Welcome Friends to Episode 24. Thanks for joining me here today!

Ok, today we are going to let things get a bit messy.

Have you ever noticed that when we are in the middle of a mess no matter how big or how small, all we want to do is get out of it.

We are around people who we evaluate to be a bit of a mess we want to change them and have them be different?

People are messy.

I am messy and likely you are messy.

I often say everyone is a mess.

Everyone is a total mess.

Now what?

Evaluate the mess?

Try to compare messes to see who’s is worse?

Be mad that we all have a mess?

Try to hide the mess?

Try to pretend we are not a mess?

Point out someone else’s mess?

What about loving the mess?

I think love the mess isn’t a strategy we try very often.

Most of our time is spent trying to hide or change the mess but what would happen if we learned to love the mess?

Hiding or changing the mess usually doesn’t serve us so well.

It doesn’t stay hidden or it doesn’t change as fast as we would like.

We get tired of pretending or trying to keep it all under control and we give up.

But what if we could really love each other and ourselves through all the messiness of being a human.

This is really unconditional love.

I’m a mess and I love me.

They are a mess, and I love them.

Now, this doesn’t mean we don’t reach for goals and work to improve ourselves and our lives. But we do it from a place of love, acceptance, and wonder.

We no longer have to change but we are figuring out how to change.

We no longer can’t stand the way things are but we are curious about how we can have them be different.

We no longer hate ourselves or others but we get to love ourselves and others.

I often have heard that love is always an option and love is always the best option.

Love feels amazing so when we can learn to feel love more and view the world in a loving way we get to enjoy that feeling more.

So when we are in different situations, it is a great experiment to stop and simply ask, how would love approach this situation?

How would love feed the barn cats?

How would love chase cows? Especially chase the cow that cut back in the corral or the brush?

How would love explain the same thing for the 4th time?

Where I think we often get in trouble is that we have an expectation that others shouldn’t be a mess and that we shouldn’t be a mess.

First if we can accept that we are all a bit messy.

We do some things wonderful and somethings are awful then we at least have a starting point that is reasonable.

Then it is often useful to just evaluate if the mess even a problem?

So often we make a problem where the isn’t a problem.

Recently I have been trying to remind myself of this.

Simply noticing when I want to judge something or I really want to escalate something and reminding myself that maybe it isn’t a problem.

Since I know I have a tendency to do this. I have had to sometimes step back even to the point of asking myself – is someone going to die? If the answer is no, then it is not a problem.

The third thing is trust that the mess always makes sense.

Then take the time to investigate it until it does make sense.

Whatever you are doing or whatever another person is doing, will make sense if you understand the thought process behind it.

If you are feeling like you can’t turn off your work cell phone and you are trying to instantly respond to messages and it all is getting too much. You might be doing that because you feel you have to because you can’t lose that job and your family needs your paycheck. Understanding this, can allow you to love yourself and your brain for wanting to keep you and your family safe and then evaluate when you do need to be on call for your job security or when you could maintain regular business hours.

If you feel hesitant about doing a work project because you might step on a coworkers’ toes. When you understand the thought process it’s easy to see why you are procrastinating or hiding your work and then you can decide if you simply have a conversation to see if that is just a made-up problem or if you really should move on and work on other things.

When you see someone withdrawn or you find you are withdrawing. The behavior will make perfect sense when we understand what challenges are being faced or the stress that person is carrying.

If we can love the mess then we have the ability to allow others and ourselves to work out whatever reality we are facing as well as use that knowledge to create any future that we want.

So often we try to clean up the mess without understanding it and there is much to be learned from the mess.

Just remember Perfect human, Total mess.

It will be fun.

Have a wonderful week.