Episode 17: Fish Story Past

Hi Friends, Welcome to Episode 17. I wanted to take this episode and build a little more on some of the false ideas or notions that we get in our heads about the past.

If you have ever heard a fish story then you know exactly what I am talking about.

The fish gets bigger.

The catch gets more epic.

And the story gets told more often.

We really struggle remembering the past exactly how it actually was.

In reality we as humans struggle even assessing the present accurately. We are always in comparison mode. If we have recently experienced something truly awful then the experience wasn’t so bad. If we have had smooth sailing for the past few months then this experience is now the truly awful one!

The past is even harder for us to accurately remember what it was really like.

We get an idea that it was bad and just like that fish story – people get meaner, the duration gets longer, and our brains chew that story like a cud.

The same thing can happen when we decide it was good – the steak tasted better, the company was perfect and once again our brains just built on that story.

But I love what my coach Jody Moore says – Tell the whole truth.

The past was good and the past was bad.

The present is good and the present is bad.

And likely the future will be good and bad.

Just like when we look at the reflection of a sunset in a lake your eyes are drawn to different features of the sky then you see when you look directly at the sky, we can also see different things when we look back on the past.

And although we cannot change the past, we do have a lot of control over how we think about the past and how much the past affects our current reality.

Now we know what we may not accurately describe the past - similar to the fish story. So in our reflections we can question some of those things. Now I am not saying to question yourself to the point that you feel crazy or to say your experiences were not real or valid but just question to the point where you are objectively looking at the past -seeing here you might be adding to the story – making it worse or better than it might have been and I think the most important thing with this is to see what it is creating for you now.

When you tell the story the way you normally do – does it make your present reality better or worse or have no effect on it?

If you told the story differently – does it make your present reality better, worse or have no effect?

Now if your brain is anything like my brain, telling the story differently can be a big challenge. But remember there are 100’s of ways to tell a story so sometimes it is fun to challenge our brains to tell the story differently and see what the result is for us now when we do that.

Sometimes letting go of a past story can really open up new doors to us.

Sometimes (actually All the time!) giving up an old story can feel very uncomfortable.

Some of these past stories we have carried around for years. We have collected evidence for them since we were small children and that story, though painful, is familiar, expected, practiced.

So changing that story or adjusting it can feel very foreign.

So is changing a story worth it.

And I think sometimes it really is.

Now there are 2 Brené Brown quotes I want to share with you about this.

First

“Loving ourselves through the processes of owning our story is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” Brené Brown 

When we take a look at our past. There is a chance we will have a painful story in there. Love yourself as you explore that story.

I love to believe that I have a good reason for every story that I tell myself but that good reason isn’t always a good reason to keep the story. There is no shame in the fact that I made up the story but I don’t have to keep it if it doesn’t serve me.

Second Brené Brown quote

“Our job is not to deny the story, but to defy the ending – to rise strong, recognize our story, rumble with the truth until we get to a place where we think, Yes. This is what happened. And I will choose how the story ends.”

The past doesn’t need to define our future and you have the power to write the ending and decide how that story ends.

It will be fun.

Have a wonderful week.